This is my first post!
A few weeks ago, I was sitting
down at the counter of a quiet pub whilst waiting for a few friends. I was
enjoying a nice long drink, listening to the enjoyable tune of ACDC’s Highway to Hell. Funnily enough that
song was a sentiment to the rest of my night.
I have always believed that a
woman’s eyes are the window to the soul… The eyes that I saw that unfortunate
night were simply… Indescribable… It was like looking into the dead, lifeless
eyes of the female hulk – and not the
green sexy one… I mean the female version of Bruce Banner with the big muscles and huge bulky frame.
I felt the ground shake a little,
my drink rocked slightly and as I turned round I looked into those eyes. The
first words she spoke were guttural and sounded strangely masculine. I blinked
a few moments and had to take a step back to see her entire frame… Her face was
attractive enough but the rest of her was not matching it…
She declared loudly to me,
“Drinks! On me!” Unfortunately, I immediately took it as a single sentence and
looked at her widely. My first thought was that she really wanted me to lick a
drink off her body… The first problem that was directed towards me was that
there was a lot of her (I’m not proud of that thought) and the second being
that I did not find her sexually attractive at all.
Moments later, I realised my
mistake and told her politely and curtly, “I’m sorry but I‘m waiting for
someone.” I smiled back before turning back to sit back at the counter to
continue my drink. I supposed that she too had returned back to her company of
friends but her gaze was still digging deeply in my back. I felt a hard tap on my shoulder, followed by
it being clasped tightly… I was sure that it had been wrenched from its socket.
I stood up and made a sharp turn before
asking her, “Is there anything I can help you out with it?” She smiled, nodded
and pointed towards her friends. I courteously refused but she still shoved me
forward. I ended up seated between Hulk’s
Sister and her dainty comrade. The talk at the table had suddenly focused on me
and my love life. It was slightly… Awkward…
I picked up my phone and silently
messaged a flamboyant buddy to help me out. I switched his name with my
father’s and he texted me that there was an emergency with some made-up
colleagues. I silently thanked him for the excuse but I hoped that the two
names he used would not let the cat out of the bag. The two names he used
were... Polly and Babel…
I excused myself from the party
and as I was freed from the oestrogen rich atmosphere, Hulkess had decided that she needed to be a part of my inexistent
trip to the Emergency department. She
grabbed me by the shoulders, lifted me off the floor and offered some moral
support; although not needed, it was a sweet gesture. This gesture would have
been pleasanter had I been standing on the ground and not had most of the
regulars laugh at me as I’m flailing like a Ken
doll in the air.
The moment she let me out of her
vice-like grasp, I expressed my thanks and quickly rushed off and took the long
circuit to another pub further away.
The kicker at the end of the
night was the fact that I owed my flamboyant friend a favour… Of which he
requested my presence immediately. As much as I love the guy (in a non-homosexual manner - i.e. bromance-sort of thing) , he requested a
full blown kiss with tongue. I am very comfortable with my heterosexuality but
he seemed to enjoy the idea of having homosexuality brought upon a straight guy.
Kitty B: I have forced him
to admit that he did not kiss him but rather he ran away after giving his
friend a kiss on his cheek.
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