The American “Sexter”

The last photos I had received from a foreign colleague of mine were those of a pair of red, shiny and glittered cowboy boots which for some reason reminded me of Ted’s (HIMYM). She had asked me for an opinion on whether they were worth buying or not. Luckily enough they were for a girl and not for an odd and over-eccentric romantic Theodore Mosby.

Those were my last received photos… Till this week. This week a cute girl added me on Facebook and started chatting to me from across 7,387km. At first, the conversation was flowing and interesting till she began suggesting that this… “Relationship” (I shudder at the thought that this girl had already begun considering that this meek and innocent conversation we formed had already, in her mind, digressed into a long distance relationship) could be developed into a more… mature one... (I really want her to define what maturity is to her…)

I believed that the girl was simply fooling and joking with me until I began to receive the…images. Initially they were of her body in tight fitting outfits followed by images of her in less and less clothing… Till the only item she was left wearing was a skimpy piece of lace clothing surrounding her… lower waist.

As any other man, I have sexual desires but these photos still did not encourage me to pursue this “relationship” further and I informed her so… until the images became less and less appropriate for online conversation and descended into the realm of carnal lust. 

I tried to convince her that I was not interested… then she asked for nude poses of me in exchange for those of her… (In a similar fashion to that of American Pie 2, where Jim and Stiffler must role play activities for those two feisty female roommates.) I will not lie that it took me a few minutes to make my choice… One that I hopefully wouldn’t regret.

"zzzzz... Houston... We go lesbians... zzzzzzzzz"

Knowing the bare minimum about me, I made up the best excuse that suited the current moment and would stop her from posting any more photos to me – I told her solemnly, “I’ll talk to you later. One of my patients needs me.” This phrase elicited an overly emotional yet terse goodbye from her. To be honest... I regret missing out on her...

A week later, I found her posting photos of my home on our chat log. She had visited most of the places that I frequented and after each message, she wrote “I was waiting for you here!”

I’ve never been so grateful for the Block function of Facebook till that day.